


John Egbert's Prank Wars

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Deceit, Doublecrossing, Gen, Lies, Prank War, Selfies, Smuppets, Swearing, War, prank
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-16
Updated: 2013-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-08 16:26:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/763509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Each chapter in the beginning will include John, the titular Egbert of the story, pranking a member of the Homestuck cast, starting with Dave. They will be short, concise, funny, and full of ship teasing, uspcaling into a full-blown prank war, with sides, deceit, and doublecrossings. Tags will be added as I go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John Egbert's Prank Wars

John had his back plastered against the wall. In his hand was a rope, hooked up to a trapdoor, housing a metric shit-ton of smuppets of all shapes and sizes. He was waiting for Dave. Why you ask? Because he started a prank war, one he wouldn't win, not on John's watch. What did Dave do exactly? Well, one night he hid in John's room, dressed as a clown. Upon John opening the door, he lept out, honking horns, and tackling the poor, defenseless John. That night, after his panic subsided, he swore vengeance on Dave, and got to sewing. And sew he did. Hundreds of smuppets, all of them poised and ready to strike an unsuspecting Strider.

Dave rounded the corner whistling, his hands in his pockets. John pulled the rope, and the smuppets rained like hellfire. They piled up on top of Dave, as he began to yelp. John started laughing uncontrollably. 

“Got you, asshole!”, John shouted. Dave's hand rose from the pile, middle finger standing tall and proud. John walked over to the pile, and grabbed Dave’s hand, pulling his best bro out of the pile of wriggling puppet ass. On Dave’s face was a beaglepuss, one with a spinning mustache, taped directly to his ironic shades. John let his best bro go, appalled and impressed with his choice in prankster attire.

“Dave, what the hell do you have on your face?” John asked, returning to his fit of laughter.

“Some bitchin’ shades, dumbass.”, Dave said, spinning the mustache with his finger.

“Not that, the beaglepuss.”, John retorted, grabbing the large plastic nose.

“What beaglepuss dude, I just have my shades on.”, Dave replied, giving John a bemused look. John punched Dave on the shoulder.

"Whatever man, they look fucking retarded though." 

"Like your face, Egbert?", Dave said, smirking

“Shut up, selfie-boy” John retorted, miming taking a selfie.

“They’re artistic representations of my inner soul, you filthy mainstream scum.” Dave replied, ironically aghast.

“Well, whatever. I gotta go work on some more pranks.” John said, shrugging.

“Before you go, John, I want to tell you something.” Dave said, seriously. John turned around and faced Dave, their eyes locking.

“What is it, Dave?” John asked, confused. Dave then lifted a flower, handing it to John.

“For you.” Dave said. John took it, whereupon it squirted him in the face. Dave took off, laughing loudly.

“STRIIIIDERRRR!” John yelled, angry. Dave would get his comeuppance, he knew it. Just a matter of time. First though, was the matter of pranking Rose, whom was well known for being stoic, and nigh-unprankable. But today, John would fix that, oh yes he would.


End file.
